Control
by readwithcats
Summary: There is one question that has yet to be answered, who is in control?


**Here's a one-shot that I got when I listened to this song, I thought it fit Allen perfectly. This is my first time writing a song fic so I apologize if it's not that good.**

 **Anyway, please REVIEW!**

 **Don't own D. Grayman or Control by Hasley.**

 **Control**

 _They send me away to find them a fortune  
A chest filled with diamonds and gold  
The house was awake, the shadows and monsters  
The hallways, they echoed and groaned_

Allen had gone back to help his friends and the akuma but the order didn't understand that. They never did. They only saw that he went back to fight and that was enough for them.

That was going to be their downfall, Allen knew it. The order thought that they had the ultimate power which made them think that they could control the exorcist like puppets but he knew that sooner rather than later the string would be cut and the order would be left powerless.

And Allen couldn't wait for that day to come. Couldn't wait to see Leverrier face.

But he was going to have to wait for that day to come and that was fine, he had found a place to call home there. In fact, he hadn't gotten lost in the huge building for the past couple weeks much to his surprise.

It was almost like the building was alive and had accepted him for who he was, an exorcist.

 _I sat alone, in bed till the morning  
I'm crying, "They're coming for me"  
And I tried to hold these secrets inside me  
My mind's like a deadly disease_

Allen had pretended not to be bothered by the fact that he was the mysterious fourteenth Noah, he had to keep his mask in place. He had to keep walking.

Though did he even have the energy to keep his façade up? No. But he had promised Mana and he couldn't break that promise.

So he continued to smile and say he was fine, ignoring the emotional turmoil inside him and like the fools they were, his friends drank it all up not doubting a word coming out of his mouth. To his confusion, he always felt betrayed when they did that, always felt a sharp pang in his chest as though someone had stabbed him in the back.

But why did he feel this way? If anything he should be grateful they accepted all those lies because how was he supposed to explain that most everything they knew about him was fake. That he had created a different persona when Mana had died.

As a result, he shoved those feeling of betrayal down and when they threatened to come back he pushed them even deeper not caring if it wasn't good for him. The only person he could have talked to was his master, Cross but he was gone. Dead.

Allen knew he was only delaying the issue so when his mask finally cracked, he wasn't surprised. But he couldn't let his friends know, especially Lenalee because knowing her she would start crying and he wouldn't be able stand the sight, so he excused himself before running towards his room. The only people who noticed this fracture were Kanda and the ever observant bookman jr., Lavi.

They did not move from where they were. The crack grew larger.

When Allen went to sleep his stomach was growling for food but the boy did not give in knowing he would only throw up like he had earlier.

The soon-to-be Noah tossed and turned before falling asleep dreaming of a place where he was surrounded by wheat and was trying to find a house where all the answers were held.

In that dream he had a brother and he was named Mana.

 _I'm bigger than my body  
I'm colder than this home  
I'm meaner than my demons  
I'm bigger than these bones_

Why were they trying to kill each other? Couldn't they see that with each strike a little part of them died? So why?

Allen didn't get it, they were best friends but here they were fighting to the death with the Noah laughing from the sidelines. Just thinking about it made him sick but he had to stop them. His friends were counting on him and he couldn't fail Johnny again. Kanda might not understand him now but Allen was sure that afterwards Kanda would forgive him. At least he hoped so.

Regardless, he charged in the battle protecting Alma and trying to get Kanda to snap out of it only for Kanda to push the both of them back.

Allen wouldn't give up though he had to keep walking and if that meant he had to beat Kanda till he was one foot in grave so be it. He got back to his feet clutching his wound while the section leaders looked on in shock. Kanda had not held back against Allen.

But could he even call him Kanda? It might have been Kanda's body but Allen got the feeling that Kanda was not in control at the moment. A scream brought him back to the present and he pushed the thought away. He just needed to stop Kanda for the moment, he could deal that later.

He slipped his hand in Alma's stopping his attack and asked why? But it made no difference, Alma still continued to attack ignoring the boy.

Allen forced himself not to give up, he had to keep walking. Those words soon became a chant in his mind.

He had to keep walking, he had to keep walking…

The chant kept repeating itself keeping in tune with his fighting and never once was there a hitch or pause in between the words.

Until it suddenly stopped without warning reminding him of the circus, there was always lights and music and people and then nine o'clock hit and there was nothing left, leaving him all alone.

When it stopped so did Allen, he slipped out of the katana that was sticking out of his gut and fell to the ground with a thump.

And like the circus, there was nothing left.

Except, there was. He was chained to a throne and the fourteenth Noah was staring at him. At that, he felt strangely relieved, maybe it was because he was no longer alone.

"I'm Neah."

 _And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"  
I can't help this awful energy_

When he got back, Allen was restrained and detained but he did not feel guilty. If anything he felt proud, he had helped his friend and by doing so, had continued to walk.

However, not everyone understood him, this included Choaji. He glared at Allen as he was marched passed and turned to warn Timothy of him.

"He's a monster… tried to help the Noah.."

"…Betrayed the order."

"Traitor scum.."

Allen ignored murmurs as it was all true accept for the last one but they didn't know the full story so the boy didn't blame them. They were just following the leader.

However, what did bother him was that Lavi wouldn't meet his eyes. The pain that shot up his heart made the other pangs feel like mere stings. This one stole his breath and made his mask crack some more. All of sudden, he couldn't stand what Choaji was saying and just wanted to explain what he did. He resisted though, after all it wouldn't matter.

Lavi wouldn't look at him, Kanda wasn't here, Lenalee was somewhere else and they were the only people he cared about.

"Allen!"

His heart dropped down to his stomach, he couldn't look at her.

"Allen, they said you betrayed the order, is that true?"

He couldn't say anything.

"Answer me!"

Allen licked his lips and said, "I betrayed the order."

It was almost funny that four words could make someone's world fall apart.

 _God damn right, you should be scared of me_

Allen wouldn't eat. He didn't want to, there was nothing left for him. That thought made him wonder if he should just give in to Neah. There was nothing left for him but there was something left for Neah.

Killing the Earl.

He shook his head. He couldn't break his promise to Mana… but Mana was dead, wasn't he?

 _Who is in control?_

The boy's eyes shone golden in the dark cell.


End file.
